


Remember To Save Me

by Lirry_loves_Ziall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-09-16
Packaged: 2017-12-21 02:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/894839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirry_loves_Ziall/pseuds/Lirry_loves_Ziall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall has always felt like he's not good enough.  Then he managed to let himself fall in love with two different people.</p>
<p>One who can't seem to love him the way his friends think he deserves.  While the other is someone couldn't love him the same way back.</p>
<p>He's been really good at keeping it all in, until now.  Now, his heart just can't handle anymore of it....alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Niall/Zayn

**Author's Note:**

> Hey lovelies,
> 
> There are some possible triggers in the story so please don't read if you're susceptible to things like that.  
> I love you all too much for that  
> .xx

Niall wanted, more than anything, to love Zayn. Zayn wasn’t just his boyfriend, his lover, or even his friend; he was Niall’s sun, moon and stars. In the beginning, whenever they were together, it wasn’t just Niall and Zayn, it was _NiallandZayn_. They were rarely ever far enough away from each other to lose sight of one another, but when they were, it was only for brief moments in time. Niall needed Zayn more than air itself and nothing could break them apart. Not even Zayn’s unnecessary smoking, drinking, and cheating, could make the younger boy leave. Niall needed Zayn like he needed a heartbeat; he loved the darker boy no matter what he did.

Even if it meant Niall had to pick him up at three o’clock in the morning, absolutely trashed, and in the lobby of an apartment building belonging to some guy he’d just fucked. Niall would willingly pick him up and take him home, all the while listening to his lovers less-than-sober apologies. Telling Niall the same sad story; it would never happen again, then begging for his forgiveness. Even though he knows he shouldn’t, Niall would regretfully let Zayn fuck him senseless, never holding eye contact: just a drunken, rough, apologetic fuck. Soon after, he would leave the blonde to clean up the mess while he stumbled his way into the bathroom, letting the door slam behind him.

Afterwards, Niall would tenderly pull a pair of boxers on over his pale thighs, grabbing an extra pair for his darker partner, and following him into the bathroom. He would spend the majority of the night making sure Zayn didn’t puke on himself while his head rested against the toilet seat, before ushering him to bed. Zayn would pull Niall against his chest; murmuring sweet anything’s until he fell asleep. Those were the nights Niall didn’t get any sleep and God knows those nights happened all too frequently. But Zayn was the reason Niall existed, he was Niall’s everything.

Or at least he was _supposed_ to be.

Niall quickly realized that Zayn was just a cover; a way for him to bury his inappropriate and overwhelming feelings for his best friend. Zayn was the mask that Niall forced himself to hide behind every single day. It’s not that Niall didn’t love Zayn, because he did, there was just someone he loved more. Someone he knew wouldn’t love him in the same way. Niall decided that instead of wasting his life loving the one person who would never return his feelings, he would go find someone who could love him the same way he loved his best friend. It wasn’t easy at first; he did try and put himself out there. Yet whenever he went out, all he could think about were his flaws. Before he could even muster up the courage to talk to an attractive young man, his mind would get the better of him. He would immediately assume that they thought he was too insecure, too pale, too loud, or whatever self-imposed flaw Niall imagined he had.

Then he met Zayn.

His well-meaning friends had taken Niall to some boring art gallery in order to ‘broaden his horizons’. He’d been staring at a red painting with a blue dot in the center for nearly five minutes, pointlessly trying to figure out how someone could call that art. Niall had his head tilted to the side, eyebrows pressed together and his jaw hanging slightly open when a deep, husky voice filled his ears.

“Alright mate?”

Niall shot himself up right, closing his mouth abruptly. “Yeah, no, I’m alright,” Niall rushed. “I’m just…admiring,” he finished slowly.

“Oh, so you like it?” the voice asked. Niall still hadn’t faced him but he could hear the smile.

“Yeah its…original,” Niall tried.

“Really?” he asked skeptically. Niall sighed.

“No, not really. It’s actually shit. It’s just a blue dot, anyone could do that, what makes this one so special?” he huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh…well, I kind of painted that one,” the man said sheepishly and Niall thought he might die.

“Shit, I-” Niall swore, finally turning to face the painter. Niall’s words were lost for two reasons. One, the man before him was beautiful, with his dark Pakistani skin, deep brown eyes lined with long, gorgeous eyelashes, and high cheek bones, he was about the closest thing to a God Niall had ever seen. Two, the man had on a megawatt smile that was bright enough to cover his dark features.

“I’m joking, but you should’ve seen your face,” he chuckled deeply and Niall relaxed enough to produce a smile of his own. “I’m Zayn,” he added, holding his hand out for Niall to shake.

“Niall,” he said, taking Zayn’s hand, and trying not to notice how much paler he was in comparison.

“Nice to meet you Niall, I quite like that name,” he smiled and Niall nodded pathetically, he too liked the way his name rolled off Zayn’s tongue. “Want someone to show you around?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Niall agreed, letting Zayn take the lead. He didn’t even notice they were holding hands until Zayn had to let go in order to get his phone out so he could save Niall’s number.

Two weeks with Zayn, and Niall fell in love almost instantly. Possibly because he was smart, talented, mysterious, and had dozens of tattoos that gave the lad a bad-boy image. Or, because at first, Zayn showered Niall with nothing but compliments and loving words. He would constantly tell Niall that he loved his messy blonde locks, especially when his dark brown roots showed through. He loved the way it donned his beautiful azure eyes which he could stare into forever, and become hopelessly lost in time. He would say Niall’s skin was ivory, not pale, and he treasured the way it contrasted so beautifully underneath his own. Whenever Niall thought he was being too loud and subsequently retreated into his shell of silence, Zayn would start talking and laughing louder than Niall, making the blonde feel painfully quiet. Afterwards, Zayn would give him a kiss and a dirty wink, saying _'I love it when you’re loud, baby.’_ It took some time but, slowly Niall started to believe everything Zayn was saying. He started to believe all of the soft _‘I love you’s’_ and _‘you’re beautiful’s’_ Zayn would whisper. Niall was in love, and for the first three months things were great.

See, Zayn wasn’t always a terrible person; in fact, he wasn’t a terrible person at all. He was funny, romantic and sweet, and he’d give Niall the world if he could. He truly did love the bushy tailed Irishman, even if he never said it as often as he knows he should. Saying it would make everything he felt real, and Zayn’s not very good at real. Honestly, he’s terrified of being that open and vulnerable with someone. He’s afraid that if he expresses those three little words to his young friend, he’ll get his heart broken. He knows he’s not equipped enough to handle that kind of reality. So, as a defense mechanism, Zayn’s created a false reality. A life where he’s managed to convince himself that the blonde’s actually _happier_ with all the bad things he does.

It’s not until he’s one shot away from black out drunk, standing in the lobby of some rich guy’s apartment who’s just bought one of his paintings does he truly see what he does to his lover. Seeing Niall’s face he realizes that his love isn’t happy at all.

Niall looks exhausted, he’s picked up Zayn for the sixth time in half as many weeks and Zayn feels horrible. He tries to apologize but it only comes out in incoherent slurs which Zayn hopes sound like _‘I’m sorry’_. He makes a lot of empty promises like _‘never again’_ and _’I’ll be better'_ which he really wants to keep. He wants nothing more than to make love to Niall, to show him just how much Zayn really loves the boy beneath him. Only it doesn’t necessarily come out that way.

It’s not really making love when Zayn’s the only one who truly wants it. He knows Niall wants it too, just not like this. Not when Zayn’s drunk, apologetic, and freshly fucked. Not the way Zayn’s willing to give it. He can’t stand how hurt Niall looks so he turns him around so he’s facing Niall’s pale back. He runs his hands over Niall’s thighs, noticing their roughness, but choosing to ignore it because Niall’s been ignoring it too. He fucks Niall so hard that he comes quickly, whispering Niall’s name so quietly the blue-eyed boy almost doesn’t hear it. Zayn wants to stay and clean-up but suddenly he feels sick, and not just nauseous from the alcohol. The knowledge of everything he’s just done to the one person he says he’d give the world to, is too much for him to cope with. Zayn really hopes Niall stays in bed and lets him suffer but that’s not what the other boy’s good at. He hesitantly lets the shorter man lead him back to bed, and after putting a fresh pair of boxers on him, Niall crawls in with him. The Bradford lad pulls his lover to his chest, telling him how beautiful, wonderful and amazing he is. He tells the blonde how much he loves everything that Niall is and does, before his brain can’t take anymore and shuts off.

~

Niall thought he was finally letting go of his ridiculous feelings for his best friend. Unfortunately, on his and Zayn’s six month anniversary, Niall had heard his best friend utter a phrase he never thought he’d hear, and everything came plummeting down. Sure, Zayn’s excessive drinking, smoking, partying and unnecessary cheating did a number on Niall’s insecurities. Though nothing hurt more than the few simple words his best friend practically spat at him. Niall was slowly unraveling; he couldn’t take any more of his painfully beautiful relationship with Zayn or his best friend’s heart breaking words. It was only a matter of time before he snapped.

He had been cutting for a while now but luckily for him, it was nearing winter. His long sleeve shirts and sweats didn’t look too out of place, except for the fact that Niall hasn’t worn a long sleeve shirt since he was a little kid. Still, no one had seemed to notice, which was something he was actually thankful for. There was no way he’d be able to explain the dozens of angry red scars that littered his pale wrists and thighs. He’d spent such a long time convincing his friends; Harry, Louis and Liam, he was actually really happy in his relationship with Zayn. He’d tell his friends he knew Zayn was complicated, and he was okay with it, _really, he loved Zayn_. He was happy, or at least he tried to be. No matter how much Niall told his friends he was okay, he was definitely not okay, not if those brand new cuts had anything to say about it.

Niall had managed to sneak upstairs while his friends were sitting on the couch watching ‘Love Actually’, and disappeared into the bathroom, the claim _‘need a wee!’_ barely leaving his lips. The rest is a bit blurry, but now he’s found himself sitting on the toilet seat, holding a razor in his left hand. The lid of the toilet was up, so when the blood would drip it would fall into the water, leaving nothing for Niall to clean up. He was always so careful when cleaning because he didn’t want anyone, especially his best friend, to find out. He was crying to himself quietly and shaking whenever the blade split his skin. He sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, trying to muffle his yelps of pain.

Niall didn’t want to hurt himself, he _had_ to. It was the only thing keeping him from something much worse. He slowly brought the razor to his creamy, blood stained thigh, stretching the skin with the other hand before pressing the razor against his flesh. Before the razor could even pierce the rough skin, his hand started shaking softly, and for a brief moment he couldn’t figure out why. Niall grunted loudly as he removed the blade from his thigh, leaving behind an in-dent on his leg instead of a cut, and throwing it against the wall next to the toilet angrily. He didn’t even notice that the blood from the razor had stuck to the wall. Nothing was going well from him, not Zayn who cheats on him, not his best friend who can’t love him the way he wants, not his job which he was fired from the other day. He was so unhappy, and _cutting wasn’t cutting it anymore_. Niall laughed as he rested his head in his palms, his elbows on the tops of knees. “Cutting. Isn’t. Cutting it.” He mumbled, pronouncing each word like it was its own sentence. “How ironic.”

He was trying to remember when he became so desperate, when had it all started? Nine months ago he was the happiest person on the planet. He met Zayn and had fallen in love, nothing could tear them apart. Even though Zayn only occasionally told Niall he loved him, Niall could feel it. He could feel how much Zayn loved him, and needed him, and that was enough for the Irishman. It was enough to keep his thoughts of a certain curly haired brunette away. At least, at first it was enough. He’d always known Zayn was a smoker and a drinker, and he did it more often than he should. Also, there was the fact that even though Zayn never admitted it, Niall always knew the Pakistani boy was cheating. _So_ , Niall wondered, _when did Zayn stop being enough? When did this relationship become too much?_ As he felt the blood tickle down his thigh and into the water below, he started to remember the moments that lead to this point.

Maybe it was six months ago when he’d unexpectedly come over to Zayn’s house and caught him in bed with another man. Up until that point, Niall had only assumed. Yet when he walked in and saw Zayn on all fours in front of the other boy, he knew it wasn’t the first time. There was a look in Zayn’s eyes that was both apologetic and desperate; he can’t help himself and he hopes Niall understands. The couple had gotten into a loud fight which had Zayn begging for another chance, saying he would never do it again. Niall knew it was a lie but he loved Zayn, so he took the tattoo’d boy on the promise that it would never happen on one of the bed’s they shared.

Zayn’s cheated a lot more frequently than he’d care to admit. It’s more of habit than anything else. He doesn’t intentionally want to hurt Niall, but he can’t stop. He’s got this constant mantra going through his head, which is too hard to ignore.

“You can’t just sell someone a painting Zayn, it’s a part of you. You’ve got to sell a part of yourself too, so they know it’s you.” He tries to justify his actions by not fucking any of the people he cheats with, and letting them fuck him instead; that way the only person who feels him, and everything he has to give, is Niall. Truth be told, he’s just praying Niall will break up with him. He’ll get fed up with all of Zayn’s bullshit and leave him, he deserves it. Actually, Zayn should just man up and dump Niall himself, but he refuses. He knows the Irishman won’t do it, and Niall’s the greatest thing to ever happen to the Bradford lad. He’s going to hold on for as long as he can, he’s far too selfish to let go.

“Never again,” Zayn murmured into Niall’s ear that night as they made love, but Niall had already decided that he wasn’t going to show up expectedly anymore.

Perhaps, it was three months ago. Niall had spent a week planning their six month anniversary; a table for two at a private, slightly over-budget restaurant over-looking the water. He had even dressed up for the occasion. He wore a blue button up shirt, black dress pants, a black suit jacket and even borrowed Harry’s nicest dress shoes. It was only after three hours of tugging on his collar, wiping his sweaty palms on his thighs, and telling the waiter _‘no, he’ll be here. He’s just running late’_ , did he find out the news. Zayn had not only forgotten, but slept with someone else as well. The darker boy hadn’t even called Niall to say he was going to be late. He did however call at three o’clock in the morning, drunk and in need of a ride home. It hadn’t helped it was the same night his brown eyed best friend had basically ripped out his heart and stomped on it for good measure. Zayn didn’t even realize what he’d done till the next day, which was far too late. Niall had already taken care of the pain while Zayn was sleeping.

Maybe, it was because last night Zayn got so incoherently drunk, he actually cheated on Niall with a woman. When Niall picked him up that night, the blonde could smell her perfume lingering on Zayn’s clothes, and it sickened him. Normally, Niall would’ve gone and talked to his best friend about all of this. He’d ramble on about how much he loved Zayn and didn’t want to lose him, but his cheating was destroying the young blonde’s heart, _that this should be the last straw right?_ He’d let the other boy tell him to dump Zayn because Niall deserved better. Niall deserved someone who wouldn’t cheat on him, someone who was always there for him no matter what, and who would tell him he was loved all day, and every day. Even if he didn’t entirely believe it himself, Niall would still leave happier than when he arrived. Ever since that unfortunate night, Niall hadn’t properly spoken to the older boy, just a few grunts of acknowledgment and the occasional _‘hi’_. Who knows, Niall thought, maybe he’d even have listened to his best friend and dumped Zayn. Instead, he let his boyfriend fuck him into the floor when they got back to Zayn’s.

Niall didn’t even bother to wipe off the blood on his thighs, before pulling his pants back up. _Very soon it wouldn’t matter anyway_ , he thought as he left the bathroom. The razor was still on the floor, and blood still in the toilet. He grabbed a light green zip-up hoodie from his room, pausing at a photo of him and Zayn. It was taken around the time that they had first gotten together; back when things were better and he could go to Zayn’s unannounced. They were standing at the edge of a short green bridge which led to an open park. Niall was laughing; his face turned looking right at Zayn, who was also laughing with his arm slung over Niall’s shoulders, pulling him in close.

At the time he was so happy and blissfully in love. But now, instead of ‘blissfully’, he was ‘stuck’. He knows he can’t have the one person he wants, so instead he’s settled for what he thinks he deserves. He’s stuck because he loves Zayn so much that he’d literally do anything for him and he has. Except now he genuinely hates himself for it, and what it’s forced him to do. Everyone knows Niall wouldn’t break up with Zayn; Niall needs the other boy far too much for that. So instead of letting himself be alone, Niall thinks, _there is only one option left_. He practically tears the picture out of the frame; letting it drop to the floor, before rushing out of his room. When Niall reaches the living room, which leads directly to the front door, he’s met with three pairs of unwavering eyes. He reluctantly meets their gaze and forces a small smile to cross his lips before he speaks.

“I’m going to end it,” Niall says and hurries out the door, slamming it behind him.


	2. Liam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves, here's part 2 :) hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> As a side note, I'm 110% Canadian, so excuse my lack of any British words, I don't really know how to use any haha.
> 
> .xx

Liam knew exactly what Harry and Louis were thinking when they leapt off the couch, fists high in the air, and hollering like they’d just won the lottery.  It was no secret that the three boys hated Zayn; they saw the way he treated Niall, and knew it wasn’t enough.  They knew he deserved so much more than what Zayn was offering, and spent endless amounts of time trying to convince their friend to dump him.  So when the blonde came in and announced he was ‘going to end it’, they assumed he meant things with Zayn.  Liam smiled at the two boys dancing around like lunatics.  He tried to be happy about the situation, but he couldn’t shake the feeling something wasn’t quite right. 

Niall was Liam’s best friend and it was _his_ job to understand Niall better than anyone.  Liam knew Niall wasn’t entirely comfortable dating anyone.  His insecurities would always get the better of him, and he would end up shutting down and not letting anyone in. Liam could tell Niall was worried that someone would call him out on his flaws; it was always written across his face.  When Niall introduced Zayn to his friends, they were cautious; keeping Niall’s dating history at the forefront of their worry.   Sadly, a lot of Niall’s past lovers were very demeaning towards him, which only added to his insecurities.  He was by no means a push-over, but when it came to his self-esteem, the smallest ill-timed joke could cut a little deeper than it should. 

Niall didn’t take to anyone as fast as he took to Zayn, not even Liam.  It had taken him at least three months to become completely comfortable around Liam, to become the man he knew Niall as today.  He was the one who talked Louis into _finally_ telling Harry how he really felt about the Cheshire lad.  It was Niall who offered to move in with Harry, Louis and Liam when they couldn’t afford to keep their house much longer.  It was Niall who consoled Liam after every terrible break up he’d ever had, buying tubs of ice cream and watching shitty rom-coms until Liam started to feel better.  So yeah, Liam had reason to be protective over the Irishman. 

He watched Zayn like a hawk every chance he got, analyzing the boy’s behaviour under a microscope.  Liam slowly realized he was starting to get the _tinniest_ bit jealous of the darker lad.  Zayn had done, in just a few weeks, what had taken Liam almost two years to figure out.  He could always tell when Niall’s insecurities were going to get the better of him, and apparently Zayn could too. 

He watched as Niall would start to play with the strands of his blonde hair, drifting into his own thoughts.  Before Liam could react, Zayn would run his hands through Niall’s roots, saying _‘it looks great, you look great.  I love your eyes by the way,’_ flashing a smirk before heading off to get drinks, leaving Niall a crimson mess.  He paid close attention when Niall tried to retreat into his shell of silence, only provoking Zayn to talk like he was in a crowded club instead of a small living room.  Zayn would turn and whisper something in Niall’s ear that made him smile like an idiot, following up with a seductive wink and chaste kiss before returning his attention to the rest of the lads. 

At first, he liked Zayn.  He liked the way Zayn treated Niall as if he was a rare gold coin, and always making his friend blush like a teenage girl.  Just as Liam was starting to let his guard down, the blonde burst into their house, crying hysterically about how he’d found Zayn with another man.  Liam was about to throw Zayn off a bridge when Niall told him that he’d forgiven the darker boy, _‘it was a mistake, he’s never going to do it again, he promised’._ Liam watched as all those promises went to hell and Niall came home crying a lot more often than he should.  He tried to convince Niall to dump Zayn countless times but Niall wasn’t listening; he refused to break up with Zayn no matter what. 

Watching Niall with Zayn made something inside him change.  He’s not really sure when it happened, but suddenly he went from being a best friend who only wanted what was best for Niall, to being a best friend who wanted to _be_ the best for Niall.  Liam wanted to be the one Niall spent sleepless nights with.  He wanted to be the one Niall kissed hello, goodbye, good morning, and goodnight.  He wanted to make Niall grin like an idiot, and force a pink blush to erupt on his pale cheeks.  Most of all, Liam wanted to be the one who pulled out those deep, throaty moans from Niall, which he could hear though the paper thin walls of their house.  He wanted, more than anything, to make sweet, passionate love to his Irish best friend every chance he could. 

Unfortunately, around three months ago Liam let his jealousy get the in the way of being a best friend.  Zayn had somehow forgotten his and Niall’s anniversary, which Niall had been planning for weeks.  He called Liam from the bathroom of the restaurant in tears because Zayn still hadn’t shown up.  Liam could tell that Niall was shaking; trying with everything he had to sound stronger than he actually was.  He knew Niall’s heart was shattering, and as selfish as it was, this was his chance to prove to his broken love just how much better he could be than Zayn.  As soon as Niall walked through the door he burst into tears.  Liam tried his best to convince Niall this should be the last straw, telling him he deserves better than someone who hardly expresses how they feel.  He deserves a person who is willing to give up _fucking_ other people, someone who’s going to shower him with loving words, even when there’s no need for it.  He tells Niall Zayn clearly isn’t good enough for him.  Niall has all the love in the world to give to anyone who needs it.  But he deserves to give it to someone who can give it back, and then some. 

However, when three o’clock in the morning rolled around and Liam had finally managed to get Niall to stop crying, Zayn called from yet another apartment lobby, begging for a ride home.  The last string holding back Liam’s insane jealously snapped.            

“He said he was sorry, Liam!” Niall yelled, defending Zayn like always.

“He always apologies and tells you he’ll never do it again.  That’s all bullshit though Niall, can’t you see?” Liam yelled, which he never did especially not at Niall, and now his lungs were about to burst from the volume alone.  “He doesn’t love you Niall, he couldn’t possibly love you!”  The look on Niall’s already heartbroken face told Liam the blonde completely misunderstood what he had been trying to say. 

“At least he tries,” Niall snapped, rushing out of the room and out the front door, before Liam could try and correct himself.  The blonde’s final words still hanging in the air.

Liam had fucked up big time.  He hadn’t meant it the way it came out.  He meant Zayn couldn’t possibly love Niall because of how many times he cheats, never remembers their anniversaries, and barley says those three little words.  Although, most importantly, he meant Zayn couldn’t possibly love Niall as much, or in the same way, as Liam loved Niall.  But he hadn’t said any of that.  Instead, he told Niall that no one, in the entire world, could ever love him.  Not only had Liam just lost his best friend but now also any chance of him convincing Niall they could become more than friends.  Liam knew his blue eyed boy was gone, and it was all his fault.  Except now, he was going to do everything he could to change that.

Niall avoided Liam for about three weeks straight after the fight and if he couldn’t avoid the curly haired brunette, Niall ignored him.  Liam couldn’t blame Niall for being so distant, he had said something terrible to the blonde and he knew it would be incredibly difficult to win back his trust.  For three weeks Liam tried to get Niall to talk to him, doing anything he could possibly think of, even if all he got was a grumble in return.  He would deliberately put on Niall’s favorite shows when he was home, hoping the Irishman would at least question why Liam was watching Irish television.  He’d follow Niall around as often as he could, constantly asking if there was anything he could do for his _best_ friend.  He’d wash Niall’s dishes, and even do his laundry if meant he’d hear something as small as a _‘thank you’_ from the other boy.  He apologized over a thousand times, practically begging Niall for forgiveness.  Yet every single time, Niall ignored him, aimlessly playing with the hem of his newly acquired long sleeve shirts. 

Liam was getting desperate; he hadn’t had a conversation of any kind with Niall since his jealous rage just over a month ago.  He needed to try a different tactic, and after a long look in the mirror, he knew exactly what to do.  It had been two days since Liam had last seen Niall.  The blonde had spent the last few nights with Zayn, who was probably making up for some wrong-doing he’d committed.  When Niall came home that afternoon, he paused halfway down the hall.  His jaw went slack as he saw his friend sitting on the couch watching TV.

“Your hair,” he said, still standing in the hallway frozen to the spot.

“Yeah,” was all Liam offered in response, fighting the strong urge to run up and bear-hug the blonde to the floor.

“You shaved it,”  Niall stated with, was that _hurt_ in his tone?  Liam smiled and ran his right hand over the short hairs, which felt like velvet under his touch.

“I thought I could use a change.”

“Huh,” Niall shrugged, as if he was coming back to reality.  “I liked your old hair,” he finished heading up to his bedroom.  Liam’s smile could easily light up the universe; of course he knew Niall liked his curly hair.  He liked that it was wild and messy, and generally all over the place.  Liam knew the blonde loved running his fingers through it when he was stressed, which is exactly why Liam shaved it off.  He knew his friend would notice, and most importantly, he knew Niall would say something.

After that, Niall actually started acknowledging Liam again.  For the first few days, Niall would just stare at Liam’s shaved head.  His curious blue eyes swimming with _why’s_ that he never vocalized.  It took almost everything Liam had to ignore the stares, and not answer those unsaid questions.  He wanted Niall to actually start _speaking_ to him.  One night when Liam had started doing the dishes, Niall actually reached out and handed his dirty plate to Liam, instead of leaving it on the counter like he’d been doing for the past week.  Liam just about cried with joy when Niall granted him with the tiniest curve of his lips, muttering a quick _‘thanks’_ before dashing off to watch TV with Harry and Louis.  The rest of the week continued much like that, a few _‘excuse me’s’_ here and there instead pushing Liam aside or find somewhere else to be entirely.  It progressed to the point where Liam and Niall could actually have a human conversation.  Not about Zayn or anything remotely close to the topic, but things like _‘how was your day?’_ or _‘how was work?’._ Although they were finally talking again, Liam noticed Niall hadn’t exactly cheered up much, if anything he was worse.

Which is why, just a short while after the blonde had left did Liam start thinking over everything that happened in the past few months.  Niall wasn’t happy; anyone with a pair of eyes could see that.  When Niall had first started dating Zayn, he was overwhelmingly happy to the point where it was almost annoying.  Almost.  The constant talk of _‘oh look at Zayn’s art, isn’t he talented’_ and _‘look what Zayn texted me, isn’t he sweet?’_ was enough to drive anyone crazy.  But then came the tears, lots of them.  Liam spent far too many nights listening to Niall’s heart wrenching sobs rip through the quiet house.  He hadn’t helped matters when he basically called Niall ‘unlovable’.  Truthfully, the cheerful Irishman was just the opposite. 

However, it was the long sleeve shirts that really bothered him.  Sure, it was nearing winter and the temperature had dropped significantly early, but this was _Niall_ he was talking about.  The same Niall who, just last year, accepted Louis’ dare to create a nude snow angel on a cold December evening without any hesitation.  Honestly, that should have been Liam’s first clue, as insecure as the Irishman was, he would always wear muscle shirts or t-shirts.  More often than not he was shirtless, claiming it was too hot inside.  Liam searched his brain for the last time he’d seen Niall in a long sleeve shirt, conjuring only one memory from about ten months ago.  Niall had been cooking, a rarity in itself, and accidently burnt his wrist on the oven trying to pull out a batch of blackened cookies.  He wore the same long sleeve shirt in public for nearly two weeks, because _he didn’t want anyone to think he was…_

Wait.

Liam shot up from his seated position on the couch so fast, he felt slightly dizzy.  He raced upstairs, taking two steps at a time, and bolted down the hall towards Niall’s room.  Liam threw the door open so hard that it slammed loudly against the wall and bounced back towards him.  He glanced around the room nervously looking for any sign as to where Niall could have gone, and that’s when he saw it.  Lying on the floor, on the left hand side of Niall’s bed, are the remnants of what used to be a regretfully beautiful picture frame.  The frame itself was smashed into four unequal pieces and shards of glass were littering the floor beside the night stand.  Even though there was no picture left in the broken frame, he knew what was wrong.  He knew what picture that frame held, he knew because he was the one who took it.  The picture was the one shred of hope Niall held on to, and if that was shattered, Liam wondered what else was broken.

“Harry! Louis!”  Liam yelled bolting into the hallway, coming to halt when he noticed the bathroom light was still on.  He tenderly made his way towards the door hoping he wouldn’t find anything horrifying.  Unfortunately he found just that.  He pushed the door open slowly, becoming increasingly petrified about what he would find on the other side.  He took a few anxious steps in, slowly processing everything his eyes were seeing.  There was a small razor blade lying on the floor near the toilet covered in drying blood.  The toilet seat had drops of blood splattered on it and the normally clear toilet water was now a crimson red.  He was panicking, it didn’t look like there was a lot of blood but, _it looked like a lot of blood._ The toilet, the water, the wall, all had traces of red colouring on their surfaces and Liam’s panic only increased.  He briefly wondered how long Niall had been keeping this dark secret, and even though he knew the opposite was true, he prayed this was Niall’s first time. 

It took two words, imprinted across Liam’s brain like a neon street sign, for his panic to escalate into full blown fear.  _Niall left._   Niall had left and Liam had no idea where he’d gone.  Just then, the image of the broken, empty picture frame flooded his memory and he knew where Niall was going; now he just needed a way to get there.  Liam was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn’t hear Harry and Louis run up the stairs to meet his call for help.  When they appeared in the doorway, he shielded them from the bloody mess behind him so they didn’t have to see what their innocent friend had left behind.  He turned to face them with the most terrified look on the planet; he knew exactly what Niall had meant when he said he was ‘going to end it’.  Liam knew he didn’t mean things with Zayn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY
> 
> Once again [please follow us on tumblr](http://catina-and-her-five-ds.tumblr.com/) and [ me on twitter](https://twitter.com/CittyCat112) for updates on this story and any others we post.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, love you all very much!
> 
> .xx


	3. The Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here is Chapter 3, thanks so much for reading. Means a lot to me.  
> .xx

  
_I really should be more focused_ , Niall thought as he turned his attention briefly to the sounds of screeching tires which had shifted his awareness. He watched as three of his closest friends scrambled out of the car. He could see Harry, Louis and Liam all running towards him, with Liam slightly ahead of the other two boys. Niall glanced at the slower lads first; their expressions confused and frantic. They weren’t entirely sure what was happening or what they were supposed to be doing, they just knew they had to get somewhere, fast. Liam on the other hand had focus, and determination plastered across his face, like he was in a race, desperate to reach the finish line first.  
  
“Of course,” Niall scoffed, silently cursing himself, as he tightened his grip on the rail he was holding onto. Liam must have figured it out, it’s Liam, he always knows. Liam would’ve put two and two together the moment he saw the broken picture frame and the razor blade with blood on it. He should’ve cleaned it up, but he’d forgotten. He was so angry with himself that he hadn’t bothered to wipe anything up. Niall turned his attention back to the wind as the cold, late fall air nipped sharply at his tear stained cheeks.  
  
“Niall don’t!” He heard Liam shout, his voice stronger and closer than before. At Liam’s request the boys stopped a few meters away from Niall. He wanted to give the blonde a safe and open space so he didn’t feel threatened. Niall swerved his palms around so he gripped the railing backwards and extended his elbows. “Niall!” Liam screamed. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Liam _beg_ Harry and Louis to say back. Niall couldn’t hear what Liam was saying, but he could tell by their alarmed expressions that the lad had told them what he had done. Harry draped his arm over Louis’ shoulders and led the older boy back to the car, allowing Liam to give Niall his full attention. “You can’t seriously be thinking about doing this?” he said loudly.  
  
“I’m a little past thinking, don’t you think?” Niall replied calmly as a feeble smile crossed his lips.  
  
Niall eyes were fixated at the ground directly below him; the normally grey cement was now covered in a thin layer of snow. Winter had come a little early this year, so the rail of the bridge was freezing against his bare hands. The drop wasn’t as far down as Niall had originally imagined. Instead, it was far enough down to break a lot bones in his body, maybe leaving him paralyzed. It would have been days before anyone found him and by that time he’d be too far gone to save, if not already dead because of the cold. He was in a light green zip-up hoodie, ripped blue jeans and a pair of blue Toms, with his favorite beige and white muscle shirt. If he jumped and was left unable to move, the blood loss and his poor choice of attire would cause him to die of hypothermia.  
  
Hardly anyone used the bridge near their house because it led to nothing but an empty field. At one end, there was a small parking lot that always seemed to be vacant, while the other side led to a small closed off park that few people knew about. It was the same area where Niall had taken Zayn on their first date, and had their first mind blowing kiss. It was also the same place he introduced the older male to his friends. But of course, this was the first place Liam would look and Niall should’ve known that. He should have picked a different spot. Now if he decided to let go, Liam would rush down and drag Niall’s broken and bleeding body all the way to hospital before he could even _say_ hypothermia.  
  
“This isn’t you Niall! The Niall I know wouldn’t do something like this!” Liam continued, not daring to move any closer than he already was.  
  
“Yeah well, the Niall you knew left about three months ago,” he said keeping his eyes fixed straight down.  
  
“Maybe he did,” Liam agreed solemnly. “But I think he’s come back.”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Niall scoffed. “What makes you think that?” He sneered.

“My hair,” and with those two words Niall finally glanced up, meeting a pair of warm brown eyes.  Niall pulled his brows together in confusion, before looking at the styled quiff replacing Liam’s once shaved head.  “You noticed.”

“You did it on purpose?” he said with more anger than he felt.

“I had to do something, you wouldn’t talk to me.”  Liam was pleading with Niall; the hurt in his voice evident.  Niall shook his head quickly; Liam shouldn’t be the one feeling hurt.

“Yeah, well after what you said are you surprised?” Niall started, averting his eyes back to the ground.  Another gust of wind made him realize how frigid it actually was.  He felt the chill creep down into his core, his bare hands still clutching the metal bar.  He wouldn’t be surprised if they’d frozen to the railing.  The gust brushed against his partially exposed chest, causing him to shake gently.

“It’s not what I-” Liam started but Niall cut him off quickly, he wanted to say his piece and let go.

“You told me that no one could ever possibly love me.  Me! Not a single person on the fucking planet could possibly love _me,_ right?  I mean, at first I was pissed because it’s such a mean thing to say, but then I was pissed because I realized you were right.”

“No,” Liam crocked out.  He wanted to reach out and grab Niall, pulling him off the bridge to safety where he could protect him.  However, he was afraid if he made any sudden movements, the blonde would let go.

“It makes sense really.  Look at me, I’m a mess.  My hair,” Niall paused reaching to pull a few strands.  Liam sucked in a sharp breath and leaned forward as he saw one of Niall’s hands leave the bar.   “It’s not even blonde or brown anymore, it’s some sort of stupid hybrid!”  Liam laughed softly, relief flooding over him because, _thank god he didn’t let go._ “And braces? Who was I kidding thinking I’d look okay with these?  I look stupid.  It’s probably why Zayn’s with other men so much.  And that woman.”

Liam froze, he had no idea Zayn cheated on Niall with a woman.  _Must’ve been after our fight,_ Liam reflected uselessly, _that woman is probably why Niall’s here._   “I bet she didn’t need braces, probably had perfect teeth.  He thinks I look ugly, all because of these stupid braces.” 

Niall went on and on, mentioning everything that he thought Zayn disliked about him or what he thought people found unattractive, and Liam let him.  He occasionally let out a few protests that fell on deaf ears, but Liam he didn’t care.  If Niall talked then he wouldn’t let go, and if he didn’t let go Liam wouldn’t have to scrape him off the pavement.  So instead, Liam let Niall talk, until he was nearly out of breath and sounding like a drunken child.  “No one loves me Li.  It’s all just become too hard, my insecurities, the cheating…the woman,” he spat.  Liam could hear Niall’s agony, the blonde probably came to the same conclusion he just had: not only was Niall no longer enough, Zayn had to make sure he knew he was replaceable with anyone.  Even a woman.  “So I started to cut, and for a while, it was good.  But now,” Liam saw a slight smirk form on Niall’s face.  “Cutting isn’t cutting it anymore.”  Liam noticed that Niall was looking him directly in the eyes, like he wanted Liam to hear _exactly_ what he was about to say.  “I always figured I could handle it if I knew you still loved me.  Even if it was just as a friend,” Niall added.

_Just,_ Liam thought.  Niall was willing to accept Liam’s love even if it was just as a friend.  ‘Just’ implied that Niall loved Liam as more than friends.  _He’d never said anything,_ Liam thought sadly as another reality hit him.  Liam had told Niall that no one could possibly love him, including Liam.  Therefore if Liam couldn’t even love Niall as a friend, there would be no way he could love Niall as more than that.

“I accept that, you know, just as a friend, but hearing those words- I knew.  I knew you didn’t love me, I mean if my own boyfriend can’t love me, how could you?”  

“Niall stop!” Liam shouted.  Niall flinched instinctively.  He hated it when Liam yelled, so he closed his eyes and turned his attention back to the cement some 75 feet below.  This was the second time Liam shouted at the blonde, only this time it was for an entirely different reason.  “You need to shut up and listen to me okay?” Liam said sternly, waiting for an answer.  “Okay?” he said louder, dragging the word out when Niall didn’t respond.  Niall nodded feverishly.  “Look at me, please,”  Liam begged.  “I want you to hear every single word I have to say,” and with that, Niall gave Liam his undivided attention.

Except if Niall was being completely honest, he only listened to half of what his best friend was saying.  There was a moment where Niall couldn’t hear anything else because, nothing else really mattered after that sentence.

“Niall, I am so sorry, so, so very sorry about what I said,” Liam began to inch closer to Niall, moving slowly enough so the young blonde wouldn’t get scared and let go.  “I didn’t mean it the way it came out, or the way you interpreted it.  I just meant that no one could possibly love you-” Niall rolled his eyes.  “IF,” Liam stressed.  “They did the things to you that Zayn has done.  There is no way he could love you, at least not in the way,” Liam paused, seeing Niall’s eyes move to concrete once again.  Liam took a deep breath, exhaling heavily.  “Not in the way I love you because, God damn it Niall, I fucking love you.  I love you so much it hurts.”  That’s when Niall stopped listening, _had Liam Payne just said that he loved me?_ Niall spent most of Liam’s speech wondering why he was saying this.  _Was he doing this just to talk me off the ledge?_ Niall had to admit, it was working; he was already bending his elbows back, bringing him closer to the railing.  Or, and Niall really hoped it could be true, that Liam really did love him.  Maybe, Niall prayed, even as a lover.

When Niall finally snapped out of his thoughts and back to reality, he realized that Liam was nearing the end of his speech.

“So please Niall, just don’t- don’t, just come back over here, okay? I don’t know what I’d do if you…” Liam trailed off, not willing to finish the sentence because even he couldn’t bring himself to the realization of what Niall was attempting to do.

“Be honest,” Niall croaked.  “Do you love me? Do you love me more than a friend?” Liam’s eyes widened and Niall knew he said something wrong, but before Niall could let go, the brunette started talking again.

“Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying? Of course, Niall, of course I love you as more than a friend.  Why do you think I’m asking you to get back over here?” Liam blurted out and that’s when Niall realized just how close Liam had gotten to him; they were practically breathing in each other’s oxygen.  Liam was standing right behind the Irishman.  If he wanted, he could lean forward a few inches and rest his chin on Niall’s shoulder, and breathe in the Armani Mania aftershave he always used.  Liam could whisper sweet words in the blonde’s ear, or place gentle kisses to the soft skin on Niall’s neck.  “God, it’s so easy to say now,” Liam smiled.  “I fucking love you Niall, as more than a friend.  I want you, I need you in my life, please don’t ever leave me again.”  Liam begged and Niall let out a breathy laugh because now, Liam was the one who needed reassuring.  Niall turned to face Liam, faster than he should have, and threw his arm around the older boy pulling him in close.  Liam wrapped his arms around Niall so tightly he figured he was probably suffocating the lad.  The only thing keeping them apart was the ugly green railing on the bridge, a metaphor for the last six months.

“I love you too Liam,” Niall whispered in his ear.  “More than you’ll ever know.”  Niall pulled his head back just enough to kiss Liam passionately on the lips.  It was careless, wet and desperate, full of teeth and tongue but none of it mattered.  All Liam wanted to do was get Niall home and never let him go.

Liam finally waved an anxious Harry and Louis over to the bridge to help him get Niall off the ledge safely.  The boys wrapped their arms around the young Irishman, desperately holding onto him like he was going to disappear at any moment.  Liam sank down onto the cold cement with his head in his hands in utter shock.  Niall, his sweet, beautiful, innocent Niall had just about talked himself off a bridge.  If Liam hadn’t been so perceptive or curious or whatever the fuck he was, he might not have gotten to Niall in time.  And if he hadn’t gotten to his lover when he did, he didn’t even want to think of the consequences.  So with that thought, when Liam physically pulled the two boys off _his_ Niall, scooped him up bride style and begged Louis to drive them home.

 


	4. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies,  
> Sorry this took ages. I had life problems then school started and I've been nearly sleepless and swamped.  
> But, here it is, finally.  
> Enjoy.
> 
> .xx

The drive home was both relieving and heartbreaking. Even though Niall was safe in Liam’s arms, he had completely shut down. He curled tightly into the brunette’s side; shivering despite the fact Liam had wrapped him up in a blanket. What didn’t help was Harry’s nervous wide-eyed stare, which drifted between Niall’s wrists and Liam’s eyes. Liam could see the questions burning in Harry’s eyes, ‘why Niall, why would you do that to yourself?’ and ‘how didn’t you notice?’. Honestly, he was questioning that himself, the sad truth relayed in a sorrowful look directed at his friend. When the curly haired lad opened his mouth to speak, Liam abruptly shook his head. Niall didn’t need that right now, not today. When they finally arrived home, Liam reluctantly left his broken lover in the care of his two best friends. He gave Harry a quick glare, silently begging the boy not to say anything while he was gone. There was something important he needed to do.

He needed to clean the bathroom completely, wanting to empty it of any shred of evidence regarding what Niall had done. He cleaned up the dried blood on the floor, threw the razor away and scrubbed the toilet and sink until his arms ached. Even though the physical evidence was gone, Liam knew it wouldn’t be enough. He needed to make sure Niall’s wounds didn’t get any worse, that they didn’t become infected and leave terrible scars. He wanted to make sure all of Niall’s cuts and scars were taken care of in such a way, the blonde couldn’t think badly of them anymore. As he let the tub fill up with warm water, he headed downstairs. With a reassuring glance from Liam, Harry and Louis returned the blonde to his care, deciding it was best to let their friend handle the situation alone.  
  
“We’ll be right here,” they soothed, heading towards the kitchen as Liam brought Niall upstairs.  
  
Liam carefully lowered Niall down, so he was sitting on the edge of the tub, before reaching around his tired friend and turning off the running water. Liam watched Niall closely; he was quiet, not even a sniffle coming from him. His shoulders were hunched forward, and his head hung low, his blue eyes glued to a spot on the floor. He didn’t look scared or desperate like he had on the bridge, he just looked exhausted. His mouth was hanging open slightly with his hands resting on his knees, palms facing the ceiling. Liam bit his bottom lip in an attempt to remain calm as he turned back to face Niall.  
  
“Niall?” Liam asked cautiously, kneeling in front of the smaller boy. “Babe, I need to take your clothes off, okay?” Niall’s only response was a simple, almost non-existent, nod. Liam let his eye lids fall over his brown eyes for a few moments before taking a deep, but quiet breath.

This wasn’t the first time he’d see the Irishman almost completely naked. He’d seen Niall shirtless more times than he could count. More often than not he would wear nothing but a pair of boxer-briefs, which never left much to the imagination. However, this time was different. Niall was completely vulnerable, no longer his carefree and outgoing self. He felt like he’d lost a part of himself on that bridge, a part he wasn’t sure he wanted back. But the rest of him had broken into hundreds of little pieces he’d never be able to find by himself. He was relying entirely on Liam to help him, to help put him back together again. Now that Liam was here, he didn’t have to carry the weight of the world and his private insecurities alone anymore. Liam was going to be there for him, just like he always was, no matter what.

Liam reached up and unzipped Niall’s light green sweater, pushing it off his shoulders and down his arms. He pointedly ignored Niall’s nervous twitch when he tugged the sleeves over the scarred wrists. It was obvious his scars were going to be a space of uneasiness for him, and the brunette hoped he could change that. He pulled the sweater off and tossed it near the door, making a mental note to remind Harry or Louis to throw the clothes out later. The less about today Niall had to look at in the future, the better, he thought. 

Liam reached forward using both hands and grabbed the hem of Niall’s beige and white muscle shirt.  
  
  
“Arms up,” Liam encouraged. Niall lifted his arms up slowly, wrists turned away from Liam, while his eyes burned a hole into the bathroom floor. He was trying so hard to be calm, but his entire body was shaking anxiously. Liam slowly raised his body so his weight rested on his knees, his thighs quivering as he did so. He pulled the shirt up and over Niall’s elbows and head, before tossing it next to the hoodie. He silently thanked whoever was listening that Niall hadn’t hurt his chest or stomach. He loved how smooth Niall’s upper body was; lean and pale, with the faintest layer of chest hair scattered between his pecks. Liam would hate for something to taint the beauty of Niall’s torso. As Liam looked over to Niall, he noticed the blonde was shaking, quite hard actually. Of course, Liam thought, mentally smacking himself. Niall was probably freezing cold and terrified. He almost tried to kill himself, Liam reasoned, he has every right to be scared.  
  
“Niall?” Liam asked, lowering his body back down, and resting his thighs on his calves. “Niall I need to, um, I need to-” Liam cut himself off because he needed the blonde to look at him, and he wasn’t. “Niall,” Liam said more sternly, curling his index finger under Niall’s cold chin and tilting his head up so their eyes met. “Please,” he paused. “Do you want me to remove your trousers or can you-” Liam was cut off again, this time by Niall’s furious head shake. “Okay, okay. You can do it. I won’t look.” Liam stood up, helping Niall do the same, before turning away.  
  
“Liam?” Niall whispered quietly after a long a minute, nervousness leaking through his tone. His hands were still shaking and he was finding it difficult to undo the button on his own. “I can’t-”  
  
“Do you want help?” He asked, his back still turned to the blonde.  
  
“Please,” Niall begged. “Just don’t look.”  
  
“I have to find the button first. Then I’ll close my eyes okay?” Liam turned to face Niall, who nodded slowly. Liam reached forward taking Niall’s shaking hands from the button on his jeans and bringing them to his sides. He released the boy’s hands and brought his own hands to the front of Niall’s jeans. He heard the blonde take in a sharp breath, his hands clenching into tight fists, and his body going rigid. Liam looked up, trying to catch Niall’s eyes, but instead he was met with a pair of pale eyelids covering his usually blue orbs. He didn’t know what came over him, but suddenly his head tilted down and he placed an unbelievably soft kiss to Niall’s rough and chapped lips. Neither boy moved; it was just lips pressed against lips, motionless and unwavering. Liam was trying to tell Niall that it was okay; it was okay to be scared, he was scared too, but it was going to be alright. He was trying to tell Niall he would never hurt the blonde the way Zayn had, Liam was going to protect him. Most importantly, Liam was never going to leave him, and the kiss said it all. Only when Liam felt the Irishman let out a small breath of content did he pop the button on Niall’s trousers and pull the zipper open, keeping his eyes closed. He moved his hands to the waistband of Niall’s jeans and tugged them down, his lips separating from the others, as he lowered himself to the floor.  
  
“Li,” Niall forced out, his eyes still shut tight. Liam only opened his eyes when he was sure he would be looking up at Niall’s face and nowhere else. He needed Niall to trust him and he would start with doing exactly what Niall asked of him.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“You can, you can look, you know, but please, just, don’t hate me okay?” Niall said nervously.  
  
“I could never hate you,” Liam reassured.

It was only when he pulled Niall’s jeans all the way down his thighs did Liam notice just how bad some of the cuts were. Unlike his pale wrists, the dozens of wounds on his thighs were deep, red and angry. Liam bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, trying to stifle a gasp that wanted to pass his lips. Every fibre in his body was telling him to yell at the pale lad, to scream, to make a scene because young, beautiful, happy Niall shouldn’t be covered with such angry scars. Liam forced back a waterfall of tears that stung his eyes, and carefully brought his hands up to the younger boy’s small hips. Niall tensed up drastically; flinching at the contact, goose-bumps racing up his bare stomach. Despite his body’s reaction, he made no move to push Liam away. The older boy tightened his grip on Nialls hips and adjusted himself so he was on both knees.  
  
“It’s okay Ni, I won’t hurt you,” Liam said taking a deep breath and closing his eyes for a brief moment, before exhaling slowly. He needed to control his emotions, fight back any tears that dared to try and escape. He needed to be strong, for both of them. He reopened his eyes, and fixated his gaze on a particularly bad cut.  
Liam slowly leaned forward and tentatively pressed his lips against the wound. The pressure was harder than the kiss he’d given Niall just moments ago, hard enough that there was no mistaking what he was doing, but soft enough that Niall wasn’t hurt by it. Liam was trying so hard to prove to Niall that he was still beautiful, even if he was scarred. He wanted the Irishman to know that Liam loved him with all his heart, and that no matter how bad things got, Liam wasn’t going to leave him, ever. He was always going to be there to save him. 

At first Niall couldn’t understand how, or why Liam was doing this, but by the third press of lips on his sensitive thighs he visibly relaxed. His tight shoulders dropped down to a normal level, and his muscles began releasing their tension. He understood exactly what Liam was doing. This is what he needed; he needed someone to notice his scars and tell him it was okay, he wasn’t hated for what he’d done to himself. He unknowingly let his hands come up and try and tangle themselves in Liam’s quiff, because, who better to do all that than a best friend. Liam’s kisses got deeper as he moved to Niall’s other thigh, his lips parting, almost sucking on the injured skin. He made sure that his tongue didn’t dart out unintentionally. There was no way Niall was turned on by Liam’s actions, but there was something so intimate about it, making Niall’s blood rush to his lower extremities. Zayn had never done anything remotely close to what Liam was doing and, Niall was sure Zayn hadn’t even noticed his thighs were no longer a smooth, pale white.  
Once Liam was sure he kissed all of the cuts and scars on Niall’s thighs, he used the blonde’s small hips to pull himself up so he was standing face to face with the Irishman. Liam leaned in confidently this time, capturing Niall’s mouth with his own in a kiss that was much like the first one they shared on the bridge. Liam pulled away slowly, resting his forehead against the other boy’s. Niall’s breathing was laboured, like he was trying to catch his breath. Liam tried not to smirk, but did so anyway, he liked seeing Niall this relaxed.  
  
“Come on love,” Liam said, guiding Niall into the tub. “Let’s get you cleaned up yeah?” Liam decided it was best to leave Niall’s boxers on. He had done what he could to make Niall realize they weren’t terrible scars, and he knew he could clean them just fine without taking the blondes boxers off. He didn’t want to expose so much of Niall all at once. 

Liam spent close to an hour cleaning and disinfecting each of Niall’s wounds, both old and new. When Niall said that they made him feel tainted and disgusting, Liam would take his wrists and press his lips gently on each and every scar, telling him how beautiful they were and thanking them for keeping Niall with him that much longer.  
  
“If you didn’t have them,” Liam said. “I might not have realized in time how much I love you. If it wasn’t for them,” he continued, kissing Niall’s scarred wrists delicately. “We wouldn’t be together.”  
  
“We’re together?” Niall questioned tiredly.  
  
“Well, yeah, I mean, I hope we are.” Niall didn’t argue with that. Liam handed him a towel and a dry pair of boxers, trusting him enough to leave him alone to dry himself off. There was one last thing Liam wanted to do. He wanted to clean up the broken picture frame and glass in Niall’s room before he saw it again; he didn’t need any more reminders. Liam had no idea what happened to the picture, but he sincerely hoped it was at the bottom of the bridge, unlike Niall. 

Liam headed back to the bathroom, and found Niall sitting on the edge of the tub in his boxers. He was hunched over and had a towel wrapped around his upper body. Liam politely knocked on the open door, slowly making his way inside.  
  
“Ni?” he called softly, grabbing the blonde’s attention. “You okay?” Niall looked up at him with lost eyes, like he wasn’t sure what to do next. He pulled the towel tighter to his body, closing further in on himself.  
  
“Yeah I’m okay, I’m just…” he said, not finishing his sentence.  
  
“I know,” Liam offered walking towards him, placing a hand on his towel covered shoulder. Niall smiled weakly, it was clear he was exhausted. “Come on, let’s get you into bed, hmm?” Liam urged, pushing gently on the middle of Niall’s back.  
  
“Okay,” Niall obeyed, getting up and slowly making his way to the door, with Liam right behind.  
  
“Hey Ni?” Niall stopped and turned his head to the side, so he could see Liam with one blue eye. “Maybe we should leave the wet towel here, yeah?” he questioned. Niall looked sheepish but did what he was told. He turned to face the brunette, letting the towel slip off his shoulders freely. He slowly reached out and handed the towel to Liam, who simply tossed it into the pile of Niall’s clothes. Niall stood with his arms by his side, his muscles tense. Liam walked forward a few steps, leaving just a foot of space between the two of them. He reached out and grabbed Niall’s hands, interlocking his fingers with the pale ones. He kept his brown eyes focused on his friend’s as he brought their hands up towards his neck. “Is this okay?” he asked softly.  
  
Niall nodded. “Yeah, it’s okay,” he gulped as Liam draped his arms over the brunette’s own board shoulders.  
  
“Stop me if it’s not,” he continued, grazing his fingertips along the other boy’s arms.  
  
“Okay,” Niall gasped when Liam’s hands came to rest at his waist, strong fingers grabbing lightly at his rib cage.

It was Niall who minimized the distance first, leaning forward slightly with Liam’s touch. He watched as a pair of warm brown eyes darted between his eyes and his pink lips, silently asking for permission. Niall said nothing, but copied his friend’s actions. Before he could think, he felt Liam’s breath mix with his own, making his eyelids feel heavy. Liam brushed his lips against Niall’s tentatively, cautiously testing the waters.  
  
“Okay?” he whispered against the blonde’s lips, keeping his eyes open in case the lad’s body language said something different.  
  
“Yeah, okay,” Niall said breathlessly, letting his fingers grasp at the back of Liam’s neck. Liam laughed softly.  
  
“Okay,” he finished, running his eyes over Niall’s features one more time.

Niall was taken aback by Liam’s urgency, the other boy’s lips pressed firmly against his own. It wasn’t intrusive, just no longer careful, like he had expected. Still, he found himself responding eagerly, parting his lips quickly. They kissed languidly for a few minutes, open mouthed but no exploring tongues. It was fine at first, but Niall wanted more, he wanted to taste Liam. He had waited so long for this moment, he wasn’t about to hold back now. No longer satisfied with just feeling him, Niall pressed his tongue between his lips, grazing Liam’s bottom lip several times. The Wolverhampton lad quickly took over, using his tongue to invade and map the insides of Niall’s mouth. The blonde moaned quietly at the feeling and Liam couldn’t resist, he wanted to hear those sounds again. He quickly pulled Niall flush against his large frame, deepening the kiss even more. Niall’s hands rushed to Liam’s chest, pushing against his pecs gently, and separating their lips.

Liam quickly realized what he’d done and released Niall’s waist, taking a step back.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated. He tried to move further away but Niall had fisted his t-shirt and kept him stationary.  
  
“It’s fine, it’s okay,” he reassured, pressing his forehead against Liam’s again. “I’m just not quite ready…for that,” he laughed nervously.  
  
“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –”  
  
“It’s fine, I’m happy,” Niall said quietly, but sternly. Liam bumped their noses together in a final silent apology before stepping back. He took Niall’s hand in his and smiled softly.  
  
“Time for bed I think,” he encouraged, and Niall nodded, allowing Liam to take him to his room.

After that, Niall encouraged Liam to crawl into bed with him, loving the feeling of the older lads protective arms wrapped around his waist.  
  
“I just don’t want to be alone tonight. Need some company, a cuddle,” Niall offered as a reason and Liam was more than happy to oblige. He pulled the blonde tighter to his chest, cuddling with him until Niall was sleeping peacefully. As Liam watched his lover sleep, he couldn’t help but think, despite the circumstances, things were going to be okay. Sure, Niall was a bit damaged, and it was going to take a lot for him to win over the boy’s trust. But it would be worth it. Liam had wanted this for quite some time now, and there was no way he was going to give up without a fight. He was finally happy and Niall was too, that’s all that mattered.

Though, truth be told, Liam was nervous. He was worried that Zayn was going to claw his way back into Niall’s life, he wouldn’t give the lad up without a fight. Luckily, Liam wouldn’t have to do that, his fears were eased when Niall’s phone rang with Zayn calling for another ride home.

Niall had scrambled blindly for his phone, briefly ignoring Liam’s presence and elbowing him in the side. He grunted uncomfortably and Niall rushed to his aid, promptly forgetting about his ringing phone, which was now silent.  
  
“Are you okay?” Niall whispered loudly, slightly panicked.  
  
“I’m fine, no, I’m good,” Liam groaned, chuckling when he saw Niall smiling.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he played but Liam just shook his head.  
  
“Just go back to sleep,” he offered, pulling Niall to him again, interlocking their fingers over the pale lad’s stomach. Not five minutes later, Niall’s phone rang again, but this time he ignored it. He tilted his head up towards Liam’s, meeting his nervous gaze. “Shouldn’t you answer that?” he asked, trying to hide the uncertainty in his tone. Niall leaned up and placed a chaste, yet powerful kiss on the brunette’s lips.  
  
“Zayn,” Niall said, shaking his head. “Zayn can find his own way home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again,  
> thanks so much for reading this.  
> Honestly means a lot to me
> 
> .xx

**Author's Note:**

> [Click Here](http://catina-and-her-five-ds.tumblr.com) to follow us on tumblr.  
>  We post whenever we update or add new stories.  
> Also, feel free to talk to us, we love talking  
> [Follow me](https://twitter.com/CittyCat112) on Twitter too, if you like. I'll probably post updates about this story and others there as well.  
> And you can talk to me there too haha
> 
> .xx


End file.
